Date with a Dolphin

Now I know I keep a lot of pets but no, this isn’t my newest addition. Meet Sol, we shared a thirty minute holiday romance in Malta this March, (I’m the one on the left!).

I made the trip with my mum because my boyfriend was too chicken to fly, and we learnt an interesting lesson on the way - don’t take crisps aboard an aircraft! As we ascended, the drop in air pressure caused our crisp packets to blow up to almost bursting point, and we sat nervously anticipating the cabin being thrown into chaos as fountains of Wotsits showered unsuspecting passengers. Luckily the bags didn’t burst and we consequently escaped terrorism charges.

Upon arriving, we discovered that Malta wasn’t exactly the tropical paradise that we had envisaged, and the holiday got off to a flying start when we failed to locate our transfer bus so had to pay out forty euros to get to our hotel.

No trip to Malta is complete without trying out the infamous bus service at least once. Imagine riding the most ancient, rickety rollarcoaster in the theme park, and now you have a fairly good idea of what it’s like to ride a Maltese bus, except without the reassurance of a safety harness. The already bone rattling journeys aren’t much helped along by the moon-crator pot holes that tarnish the roads, and the seasoned drivers slow down for no bend, no matter how sharp. In fact, I think that somebody should send a letter in to the public transport offices suggesting that they raise revenue for replacement vehicles by installing cameras in the back of each bus seat, much like on a theme park ride, to sell photographic mementos to unacclimatised tourists as a souvenir of their hair-raising adventures.

It didn’t take long for us to realise that there really wasn’t that much to do in Malta, so we decided to take a day trip over to the smaller neighbouring island of Gozo. The tourist information man who we booked the trip with told us that our ticket would cost just twenty euros each and would include a tour guide for the day, plus a three course meal at a beautiful restaurant, and assured us that over there was much, much nicer than Malta. ‘Could Gozo be the tropical paradice that we were so desperately seeking?’ we wondered, and in short, the answer was no! Each of the villages we were taken to consisted of one or two run down shops where the local women sold their various hand-made crafts which was interesting for the first couple of hours, but not so much so as the day dragged on and each village bled into the next. Then it was finally dinner time, now we’re talking! ‘How quaint’, we thought as we were led to the ram shackled beach hut of a dinner venue, trying not to judge the book by it’s cover. For starters we had the choice of pasta or soup, we both selected the soup; a bit watery but fair. Then for the mains we chose the fish over the veal but only after being assured that the fish would not contain any bones... little to say, I was not impressed when my plate of what I can only describe as ‘bones with fish’ was served, but not to worry, I’ll just fill up on my... two new potatoes and three leaves of lettuce... It was a good job we had a few yummy looking desserts to choose from, my mouth watered as my mum described what sweet delights she could see on the counter waiting to be served, then – strike three, our jaws dropped as we were presented with the equivalent of about an egg cup full of vanilla ice cream each. The meal had been that bad that we actually rolled out of the ‘restaurant’ in fits of laughter, only to find out later in the day that the inclusive meal was actually optional, and that we could have saved twelve of our euros and eaten somewhere of our own choice instead!

Despite the disappointment of the holiday as a whole, the journey was more than worth it if not solely for my date with Sol, and he is without a doubt the most handsome chap I’ve ever had the pleasure of having my hands on (don’t tell Liam I said that). If you’re wondering what dolphins feel like, they greatly resemble the texture of a boiled egg after it’s been peeled, smooth but a little bit squishy. Seen as my over all opinion of Malta wasn’t that great, I think that it’s only fair that Sol come over here for our second date!